INTRODUCTION
Crypto is back in action, baby! Rocking the 1970s like a glam rockstar, he’s here for the third act of the chaotic extraterrestrial saga. The game? “Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed” for Wii. This time, Crypto and his alien mentor Orthopox have bigger ambitions, like literally bigger, with a new business venture! We’re talking about fast food (made from humans), brain-stem-extraction goodness, and a mission to stop a heiress from blowing their cover. So, please put on your bell bottoms, and let’s boogie into the story of Big Willy.
A FAST FOOD EMPIRE MADE OF…HUMANS?
Crypto’s wise mentor, Orthopox, has expanded his resume from space invader to entrepreneur. The business? Big Willy’s fast-food chain is an establishment where the main ingredient isn’t just meat; it’s *human meat*. Specifically, the culinary offerings are made from the corpses left in the wake of Crypto’s human brain-stem extractions. You could say they’ve turned one form of waste management into a highly profitable enterprise. That’s a business model even Warren Buffet would be curious about. The goal? To cash in on Big Willy’s booming popularity, of course.
NEW TRAVEL DESTINATIONS – FROM FAIRFIELD TO ANTARCTICA
Fasten your seat belts because this game takes you on a whirlwind tour across diverse locales. Whether you’re zooming over Harbor City, exploring Fairfield, or getting a tan in Antarctica (wait, what?), Big Willy Unleashed offers a variety of landscapes to create havoc in. And if you prefer some tropical heat, you can always find it in Vietmahl or Fantasy Island. Each destination provides its unique environment, perfect for zany alien shenanigans. The travel brochure would read: “Come for the human cuisine; stay for the planetary destruction!”
UNLEASH YOUR BIG WILLY…MECH!
Sometimes, a spaceship just isn’t enough. And walking is just too slow for a creature of Crypto’s refined tastes. Enter the Big Willy Machine—a new third means of wreaking intergalactic mayhem! This isn’t your dad’s vintage UFO; this is a one-alien wrecking crew set on wheels! Think of it as your mobile base for human-flavored fast food delivery, complete with an array of death-dealing gadgets. Because why settle for one mode of destruction when you can have three?
WEAPONS AND MENTAL POWERS: THE OLD AND THE NEW
What’s a “Destroy All Humans!” game without its iconic weapons and special mental powers? All your favorites are back and better than ever, including Crypto’s beloved Zap-O-Matic and Disintegrator Ray. Not to mention Psychokinesis and Body Snatch, which you’ve been itching to use again. But that’s not all! Brand new armaments like the Ball Lightning and a zombie-making pistol have been added to Crypto’s already impressive arsenal. Even the UFO has upgraded with fresh capabilities like the Electro-Cone and Quantum Deconstructor.
WIT AND ACTION: A RECIPE FOR ENTERTAINMENT
Don’t think that this third installment skimps on humor or action. The signature witty banter and ceaseless activities that fans adore are in full force. What’s an alien invasion without a good laugh, right? Whether you’re pulling off a humorous one-liner while melting humans or discussing the nuances of Earth cuisine with Orthopox, the game keeps your cheeks sore from smiling and your fingers sore from button-mashing.
THE MISSION: SILENCE PATTY WURST
Ah, the plot thickens like a good gravy! Patty Wurst, a kidnapped heiress, discovers the secret “human” ingredient in Big Willy’s fast-food chain and becomes a potential whistle-blower. Crypto and Orthopox have no choice but to embark on a mission to “silence” her before she ruins their culinary empire. Will they succeed in keeping their secret sauce, well, a secret? Or will Patty Wurst have the last laugh? Get ready for a juicy showdown!
There you have it, folks! “Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed” is more than just a game—an experience. One filled with humor, fast-food businesses of questionable ethics, and weapons of mass enjoyment. So, are you ready to unleash your Big Willy?
